Ever since I was a little girl, people have always poked fun at me about my body. I was told I was ugly, fat, I looked like a boy, etc. Terrible words for a little girl to grow up with. Of course this effected my self esteem and my self image, making it non-existent. I dieted like crazy beginning when I was 12 years old (without my parents’ knowledge), and not healthy diets (as a kid, you don’t really know or care what’s healthy, you just want to get rid of the ridicule, and fast). My most extreme diet was when I was 17 years old. I was doing 500 – 1000 crunches a day, dancing for 3 hours, bike riding, taking long walks with my dog, and only consuming maybe 120 calories a day. I drank TONS of water. Every time I felt that hungry feeling I would discipline myself, and tell myself that I didn’t need it if I wanted to be thinner, amongst other horrible things I told myself. I basically became anorexic. I dropped from a size 18 to a size 10/11 in three months. You could not believe how ecstatic I was at such tremendous success. However, by this point, I had become sick (mentally), and felt that I was still obese at a size 10/11. No, my protruding rib cage or bony hands and feet did not matter to me. I was still fat. It definitely becomes an obsessive compulsive issue. Luckily, with time, knowledge, and good friends, I was able to heal from this disease, and get myself healthy. I know that I am not the perfect size, but I am healthy inside. I am mostly happy with what I look like, and I am working on the parts I’m not 100% with (in a healthy way, of course!).
1. Since you started blogging has your image of yourself changed?
Yes. I have become so much more self confident, and I really look to dress my body. Taking photos of myself really helps me to see what progress I have made in training my body to get it to where I want it to be. I also am really excited to dress myself and see just how good my body can look.
2. Are you self-conscious about any aspect of yourself? If so, do you go out of your way to avoid it or do you post it/talk about it anyway?
I am definitely a bit self-conscious about my love handles and my sometimes existent double chin (drives me nuts!). My quick fix for my love handles? I usually do crunches or exercises that tone and trim my obliques, as well as overall cardio for my entire self. If I am having a really nit-picking day, I will wear a shaper. (shh, its a secret! haha). I will do outfit posts, even if I am not 100% happy with my chin or my love handles. It’s who I am, and I’m working on getting myself to where I want to be. This takes time.
3. Based on how you are feeling now, what do you think the future holds in the evolution of your body image?
I definitely know it is positive. Each day I am becoming more and more positive about my body. I find what works for me, and what is flattering for me, and that is what I use. I am not impatient with myself anymore, and I trust my instincts. I also don’t let anyone’s bad words get to me, because I just have to remember that they are saying things due to their own overall unhappiness.
4. Do you photograph yourself for your blog? If so, how do you feel about the experience when you’re having your picture taken? If you choose not to post pictures of yourself, what prompted that decision?
Yes, I do photograph myself. Honestly? I used to HATE being in pictures. I would always say, “no thanks, I don’t want to be in the picture”, or hide from photos. I missed out on some great pictures that way. Now, I love being in pictures. I feel like it’s so uplifting, in a way. I love taking my outfit shots of myself, even if I’m not wearing make up or my hair isn’t top notch. It’s me, and I’m really starting to love myself. I recently was asked to assist a photographer as their subject at the auction event, and I was like, sure, no problem! I would’ve never done that years ago. Ever.
5. What would you want every person who struggles with body image to take to heart?
This is so difficult, because I know where I was and where my mind was all those years ago. So many people struggle with body image, because it is so beaten into our heads that we have to look a certain way, otherwise we are not attractive or desirable. I have learned that this is 100% untrue!! The most attractive quality in a person is their self confidence. You can have the world and more if you believe in yourself and love yourself, regardless of what you look like. Believe in yourself. Trust yourself. Your body knows more about itself than you want to believe. Remember, you are a natural being, follow your instincts.
Friend Friday is a group that allows fashion and beauty bloggers to get to know each other and to share their thoughts and opinions on different topics. For more information or to join us, please visit ModlyChic. You can read all of my fellow bloggers’ answers as well as Katy’s answers to these questions here.